ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
