Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
