I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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