I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
