I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
