Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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