Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you would pick up someone in the library
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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