I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
