2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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