but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
