is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
