Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
