She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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