another moral hangover. fuck.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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