Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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