Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
