I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
