Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
