**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
