You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
