so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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