i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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