Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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