Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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