if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
