if you like me you must not know who I am
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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