I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
