Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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