i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
