It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
