just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
