That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
