Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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