Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
