just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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