He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
