I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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