I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
