arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
