Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
