After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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