One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
His hands were made for my vagina.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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