id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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