This is not my ceiling
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
