It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
