She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
only you would photoshop your dick
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
