So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
