New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
