I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
