we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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