i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
