i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
